That elusive quality ,that state of being,that often unquantifiable thing that is happiness:Oh how many of us pursue it,only to find it from a source that surprises us.
Today,as I endeavoured to regigue my teaching life a little from a pattern that has existed of a Monday for well over 13 years,I realised that the fault was with my attitude.Why Yes,a treasured pupil had moved on to pastures new,but who,barring someone who had taught another for 13 years on a one to one basis should,or would ever understand what it is like to change your routine.So,as the power to accept ,to redefine rests with me,I asked myself:Why didn’t I prepare for this obvious eventuality seeing I knew that it surely must come to be?Having given a fair amount of thought to it,I realised that I just didn’t want to accept the reality the organic growth of another human being into an adult is their right and not my domain.So,this right of passage for my pupil is a test of my own principles as such.Am I a liberal in wanting people to make their own way in life,and not wanting to control others.Sometimes ,those who control others are extremely timid themselves,wanting to map out not only their lives,but the lives of others.Being risk overse,the thought is f doing something across the whole spectrum of ideas can cause real fear,but the only thing we must really fear is fear itself.So,I ask myself,why I didn’t plan for my pupils right of passage?Truth is,I don’t know,it’s not that I’ve never said goodbye before,and this balance of caring without ensnaring a pupil is a delicate balance that we all struggle to master,if at all.
No-where in any teaching manual do you ever grasp the enormity of change,and as the teaching journey reaches its peak for us all,the interchanges become more intense for us the teacher,than for the pupil,because they are moved ng through the corridor that is their life,be it in academia,or in the artistic world.Their need to grow has to take precedence over our need to hold unto the past which is,at best,a blurred copy of the real reality.As the metaphor holds good that we in our careers are like the hand in the bucket of water:As we put our hand in we notice the ripples,but soon after we pull it out,the water reaches its own level,and it’s like as if we never had put our hand in it.As I reflect on the meaning of the word humility tonight in my muse,I meditate on its root,which is the word humis,which we know to be the soil.As the soil can often be a lowly substance,so to us,we have to accept our small part that we have to play with the pupils that we help.They are with us for a short period,and then they must move on down that corridor.
For me tonight there is the ever present need to check myself,to meditate on why,when,how,the critical thought ,the whole purpose of education.This is ,to me,a life’s work.Truthfully,I don’t understand it fully,but I still endeavour to ask the questions.Im nosey,or,to put it in a more cultured way,I’m curious,but the results are the same.
So,tonight,I sat and played,I listened to the sounds,the harmonies,the textures,the tokens of my contribution to the art of Pianoforte playing.In rekindling this for a brief couple of hours,I heard musical messages,I played songs that one of my sister who is queen the ill at the moment loved:”Carlifornia Dreamin,that Mamas and Papas classic.Oh my,couldn’t Mama Cass sing so very well,and the strains of that middle 8 are as clear as a bell as when I opened her Christmas resent to me all those years ago.Sounds have always infected my mind,dressed it with its perfumes of sounds ,and like a delicious Panacotta,melted in my sound bud mouth.
So ,one pupil moves on,as everyone should be allowed too,but I still have my music currency .Tonight it was stroking the keys of my Piano on a tri darling wn memory lane to the golden years of American Popular music that has infected my mind and my soul so nice I were a small child.Im lucky to be satisfied with a very tiny amount of talent,a massive massive will to survive anything that life can throw at me,and an ego to believe that I have someth ng to impart ,which,in turn,explains why I write to blog posts.
Thank you for your attention tonight.