It never seemed………….!

Odd title for a muse I know:Just three words,the start of a thought,a vague implication.Its like a retrospective phrase but with the key words missing.Sometimes,I have this habit of never finishing my sentences.Its annoying to people around me,almost infuriating if your one of those people who has a full compliment of words and phrases at their disposal at all times.That,alas,isn’t me.It just seems to be my default to start a phrase or start a sentence and stop in mid stream.Its not that I’m embarrassed about it,hell no,but it seems to have plagued me through life.

As the title of this muse,these three words making up 13 letters cries out for an explanation,I suppose I should try to provide one.It never seemed !Yep,those words were often what I wanted to say as a child,but fear of the associated words or the ensuing backlash from my family has stopped me from actually writing them.True,I’ve never been that shy of controversy before,in fact,you could say that I’ve courted it on a number of occasions.So,what’s the problem with these three words?They prepare us ,usually ,for a negative in my mind and I’m aware of the affects of negatives.So,my three words might be followed like so,It never seemed fair that I was so hungry as a child.Now,in one sentence ,I added ,to me,at least,a whole negative plague of neglect but a situation that I found myself in as a child ,so it was a huge negative.Nowadays,although I’m never truly hungry,I can still remember those feelings etched inside of me.

So,you see,those three words tend to start a chain of feelings ,more powerful than the words that accompany them,and feelings that can’t always be turned on like a tap.Now,you might have your “It never seemed” unfinished phrases and they might evoke strong feelings for you too.I am respectful of your feelings,privacy and dignity,but I write my muse as a reflection of myself to unmask some things through words that I think and feel and I’m appreciative of this vehicle by which to advance my thoughts.

Your “It never seemed …………… will be there in your mind and heart ,but you might not be so arrogant as I in fact you keep those words locked up inside ,never to see the light of day.You might feel it foolish to voice them,and you might be right,for your insights into your own life have their power beyond mine because I am not you.All I know is that it releases something in me to voice my words ,my musings,my feelings by way of an emotional safety valve.

Thank you for reading this today.

Kernowsmith .


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