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Physical storms and emotional storms:They all have their affect!

Looking into the eye of a storm:

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What’s in a name!

So,what the seeming escalation of Atlantic storms coming to visit us Brits with their unique calling card,would you like one named after you.?If the current one has any bearing on the names available,all our names are up for grabs.When yu call a storm “Brian”,you realise that it’s open Cesame of any Christian name to be wheeled out and mulled over as to the sigficiance of the designation.Personally,I doubt wether a storm called “Adrian “would quite fit the bit,even though it has ,at its roots,the Adriatic.

Far from dwelling to much ,I’ve often looked back on storms and realised that their effects have reaped havoc when,in real life,all the Katrina and Andrews that I have taught over the years have all been docile and harmless to say the least.Those wits on my twitter feed have with their :”Its not a storm,it’s a breeze,” reparte caputed the Pyhon sense of humour that so many of us have grown up in.

As the rain descends outside,it doesn’t appear to rain like a Brian ,or maybe ,it does.So,would it rain like an Adrian?Blow like Beryl ,howl like a Henry,make banging noises like a Barry?

My mind ,with it’s weird synopsis should be at my Parkrun,but a certain Brian -not the naughty boy Brian,but the one who is named after a storm has,!

My morning!

After a morning of teaching that saw my energy levels augment and sparked my desire to think about the greatness of the classical greats.These two hours,yes,compared to the remaining ones in a full week,might not appear to compete at all with that large number.However,I’m thinking more of the dynamic nature of time in this respect.Music has that in the moment power,it’s very abstract nature propels itself to push us forward ,to exist in these supreme moments as such,but the residue of these works of art enables us to relive those sounds long after the process of performing.What I mean by this is that after music has been played,it still leaves an affect on our minds,and we listen again in our heads ,all be it ,in a different way,but we surely do.

For example,theMozart Piano sonata that I Heard today ,althoughthe last phrase was played an hour ago,is still in my head now,and resides there .So then,this thing we call music,although in the context of our life,may not have the salience Of other things,but it will have its affect,and those will be felt long after the actual sounds into our ears and thus to our minds are heard.Dont get me wrong,silence has its pluses and it’s advocates,but complete lack of sound in our atmosphere would cause ,at best,and unease,but at worse,it would signal quite a depression .My impression of enforced silences is that they have as their roots, some sort of control.Yes,the very word “Silence” can often alert us to another human wanting our attention via their sound words,so I’m cynical about the need for absolute silence.

Actually,the definition of rhythm is The interplay between sound and silence and I rather like that state to be in.So,today,my memory replays the Mozart sonata not just as the sound of Mozart’s music,but the interplay of the sounds and the rests-silences-too.Mozarts music has,at its roots,these wonderful classical themes where the music breaths ,where we can hang our minds on these musician figures and phrases. 

So,What enables us to recall a musical performance isn’t just the sounds in our minds,it’s the silences ,the gaps,the pauses too which,like language and the inflections are vital to our appreciation .So,if your finding yourself with that tune in your head ,chances are you are recalling the interplay,the fullness of the moment,the emotion of the moment as it were.

This is my muse for today and it comes about from two hours to Of life this week.Yes,it might not float your boat and your morning,evening ,or night.In these times when smart thinking-whatever that means-is one of those catch all phrases for the business,academic and social world,I make no pretence that this is smart thinking,it’s just my thinking.

That bit before 

Shall I play the Piano for a bit,

Shall I get a glass of water,

Shall I check the weather ,

Shall I ,shall I ,shall I,

It’s that bit of time just before 

Just before you open the front  door,

Just that bit before,

Oh,it’s not a chore,not a bore,but it’s that bit ,

Those 10  minutes before you do,you know,

Oh,if only you had thought about it before,

Then you might have had more time for the bit before,

So,it is almost now,the time that isn’t the bit before,

It’s time to open the door,

Spare a thought for those who just can’t open that door,

For whom,there is no bit before,

For those who never go out ,

Haven’t been out for years,

I’m fine,I can open the door and perform,I’m lucky.

The unavoidable!

We’ve all done it at one stage in our life .Some say it’s inevitable,others unavoidable:Doublebooked ourself.Yes,That blissful feeling in many ways of being popular,of a diary entry put in the wrong place,or the old brain letting us down when we thought that we had our own unique filing system able to cope with any amount of information.

That description ,brief but salient is the quandary that Frank found himself in Today.It affected him more than most because when he was working,he was a “time and motion officer for EMI “ in their Hayes plant in London.He knew exactly the time it should take to press copies of 45 rpms,and 33and a third rpms.People said that you could rely on Frank and if the production fell by just a few u it’s,then Frank was in it.He worked for EMI for over 35 years,that is,until the advent of digital technology with the redundancy of the cassette,the single and the LP as a production line entity.Now,Of course,Frank had many a story of doom and gloom for the music companies following the march of Apple and the plethora of on line music platforms where ,at best,their activities were regulated but never entirely controlled.

As Frank mulled over what he should do,the two people who had phoned to check about their lunch club partner represented two different characters.They had one thing in common though:They were both life long friends ,the salt of the Earth as was often said.It might seem easy for the more socially mobile to just book another place at the lunch club,after all,they were a charity,and his contributions were always gratefully received,but that would mean Frank confronting his mistake ,having to admit to one of his friends that he had got it wrong.Having prided himself on absolute precision in his oversight of the EMI plant,it had carried over way into retirement.Frank ,on his own since tHe death of his wife 5years ago,relied on the lunch club and lately ,the meals on wheels provision.He would be ready with his knife and fork ready on the dot of 12:30 when his lunch would arrive.Frank worked to the time and to him precision was the name of the game.

He always struggled to the artists whom he would press for,as they were often free spirits,long haired,with beards,all things that Frank thought didn’t belong to order and precision.He remembered one day pressing “Dark side of the moon” and the affect of a visit to the line had on those working there.He just couldn’t get why these people were so important and they were late.Now,I might think that Frank was totally over the top,and he should have been honoured that Dave Gilmour,Roger Walters and co deigned to visit his precious pressing plant at all but we are all different.

As a company,EMI knew that Frank would get the job done and although new technology might now repudiate such men ,considered going them to the dinosaur fossil pile,back then Frank was indespensible to them.

As he picked up the phone ,his planned written out explanation neatly written on an A4  sheet in front of him,he rang the number.After a few rings,Gillian picked up.Her soft voice in that brief mixture of syllable and timbre alarmed him.”Oh,….its….a…Frank “

“Oh Frank,I’m so glad that you rang me because I was just going to ring you:You see,I’ve realised that I promised Madge that I would cat sit for her as her riddles has had an operation and she is at the hospital this morning,and I’m so terribly sorry but I’m going to have to cancel our date at the lunch club,I really am sorry”

Frank stunned by this fortuitous conincidence paused,then thought.He knew what he should say ,but somehow he couldn’t ,he just couldn’t .

“Oh let’s alright Gillian,perhaps another time,and I hope that you find Madge as well as possible”

“Shall we make it next Tuesday Frank”.

As Frank put the phone down,he should have felt releiF,but ,even for a man such as Frank,this deception wasn’t his proudest moment!

As this cautionary tale might be put down to sheer good luck on Franks part,but it also alerts us all to the pressures we often find ourselves in ,and that is the forces of ego and personality.

Frank would live to fight another day,but maybe,just maybe,he would understand that we are all,including him,human,prone to making mistakes sometimes,and in need of u derstanding when we do.

Emotional Intelligence:Two people at a crossroads.

Cutting through the brambles at the edge of the mound,I realised that the bindweed had choked many of the shoots around the main plant and drastic action would have to be required to allow growth to start again.This Autumn period is especially troublesome for a writer who looks at the metaphysical in order to make sense of the thrust of his story.You see,his imagination,fuelled as such by all sorts of life patterns and sounds,also needs the visual foregroundand images that his eyes are apt to focus on.So ,the cluster of leaves,bracken and the like of my front garden that isn’t mine,or my responsibility as it’s a space where our shared tenants occupy.

If the sight of a choked plant ,akin to the bearded Darnel from the parable of the sower in the bible book of Matthew is another link to this story,then the plant represents the mind of the protagonist in my story.He is about 30, living in the semi rural setting but his heart is in Madagascar,where his passion for rare plants and other living species is a very fertile breeding ground for his mental Conglomerations.He loves the people there,their simple way of life.He feels at peace there,he is real there.Now that country ,the shared space of plant ,animal,and humankind seem to have reached ,in his eyes,that perfect balance,and that respect ,its  unspoken attachment to peace is a real draw.He visits there as often as he can,but his partner works in finance,and while he doesn’t discourage him from his love of all things Madagascar,he thinks upon it as a fad,not real,not sensible,not something that he could ever see as a permanent life move.

So,he looks at the garden that is his mind,it’s parts all work after a fashion,he gets by,he exists,but,As has often been said,he doesn’t really live in the truest sense of the word.As the fantasies ,or so his partner calls it,live inside his mind  he is arranging the bricks and the mortar and lintils and roofing tiles that are his stock in trade as a builder,he wonders if his partner secretly thinks that he is a little deranged.No,not a full blown shchosis,but just that quaint old huckleberry Finn type dreamers disease that might have existed as a child,and carries on through adulthood.

Really,if his partner would just only try Madagascar,just for a week,then he reckons that he might just see what it is about the place ,but he prefers St Lucia,True,he works hard in finance,investment bonds and the like,the stock in trade are his mathematical algorithms,the fruits of a first at Imperial,in the days when the Physics freaks could walk down The Square mile into any investment bank and be snapped up.That was before the financial crash,before Gordon Brown ,the penny pinching labour prime minister stood on the steps of Downing Street and announced that there had been a run on the bank,Northern bank,that is.He remembered that day,he remembered his partner,and he remembered that all the 12 and 13hour days stood for nothing. When ,as a young graduate,he was booted out.Then,he was the main breadwinner,getting up early of a morning ,collecting sand and gravel from the pit at Blashford while his partner ,Rob,vegetated  in bed because of  the sheer shock of the crash had hit home,and he was one of the first casualties.Back then,Rob was earning big money and with it ,all the stuff that came with it,but good old Dave paid the mortgage because that was what good old Dave did.Now,As  these years went  on from the crash,Rob had got back into finance ,but the days of the casino deals were long gone,and people hated bankers still.Granted,they liked their high street bank,contactless payment cards and the like,but deep down,these guys who had gambled “Their money” away were looked upon with suspicion.

Dave,although not stupid,wasn’t clever like Rob,and he saw money in rather simplistic terms,but ,in many ways,Rob saw money and the markets almost as a game ,but people change when money is involved,and he never got that they rarely forgive those who spend their money in profligate ways.Rob missed the hustle and bustle of the golden mile,and somehow a grotty office at Goldman Sachs in Bournemouth wasn’t what he worked his backside off at Imperial to achieve.

Dave,on the other hand,never ever went to uni,his time in the Children s  home ,his love of the outdoors,and his need to leave school at 16 put paid to that.Dave wasn’t stupid ,in fact,he was extremely resourceful,but he wasn’t like Rob ,and he knew it.As the context of the lives of our characters become apparent,you might ask,how did they meet.?How did two seemingly totally different young men come together ?Simple,or so it seemed at the time,they met in a bar in Bournemouth and they fell for each other.Rob was younger ,sharp ,dressed well,knew how to deport himself,Dave was an Adonis.Dave kept himself fit,he was fit.Dave was much older,and had always been quiet about his sexually orientation.

Rob,whose parents had had him at a time when they never thought they could,worshiped the ground he walked on.They worked as a couple and they had built a life together,but if they had a fundamental difference it was in how they saw the world.It wasn’t discussed much, up when it was,it always ended in arguments and the words that Rob used were brutle and fierce,but Dave kept quiet and slept in the spare room,not allowing any contact between them.Rob thought that Dave did it because he had failed in the city,and the fact that he had had to keep paying the mortgage all through this time of his being at home was too much.

Their fragile peace as a couple is probably echoed among many ,and the mound with the weeds that Dave looked at too,that represented him being trapped needed tending.Like all emotional issues we have with one another,it is never the case that we can fully know another person,or ,we would be them,wouldn’t we ?Dave wasn’t in anguish because of the mortgage,he was like this because Rob didn’t fall in love with his dreams,in fact,Rob didn’t even find out what Daves dreams were.

Yes,growing up in the care system ,being gay is never going to be an easy gig,and Dave for all his bulging muscles and biceps,was extremely sensitive,but he was a decent man ,a good man ,but he just loved nature,he loved animals,he loved Madagascar.Rob had been the apple of his parents eye and although they had inwardly struggled when he came out to them,he was one of the lucky ones that didn’t suffer their rejection .With that security,Rob had the emotional security to meet people to be proactive as such.Banking had suited him and deep down,he still blamed the politics of the day rather than people like him and his cohort for the crash.

So Rob and Dave had their brambles,and today Dave had his,but as he pulled away from the weighbridge ,a ton of sand,and his 10 mill and 20 mill gravel in his trailer,he resolved to do something about his dreams .His mind ,awash with thoughts of the Island still fresh from those 3  visits over  ten years  ,he would book a flight ,work his butt off to get this extension done ,get the money ,raid his savings,book his flight,job done!w. As Rob would say.

Rob was still in bed ,it had been a long night and his online Poker habit was getting out of hand and he knew it really .He had transferred money from their joint savings  account in the night to pay these people,but he had to find away to stop.He missed Dave in their room ,and had tried to be up when he left for work ,but had overslept.He missed his morning cup of tea from his mum,he couldn’t look his dad in the eye because of what he was doing,but he couldn’t admit to needing help,he just couldn’t.

As Daves day unfolded,he thought of Rob,sent him a text to see if he was up,and got a curt reply .He didn’t think too much of it as it was what Rob could be like first thing in the morning.Dave ploughed on with the first fix in the extension,and the whole job had gone well enough.It was at Avon Castle and his reputation as a job it  builder since he had left Laings was so much better for him.His customers liked him,and his demeanour and hard work,impressed them,so,he knew that a month away wouldn’t affect the steady stream of work coming in. He had good relations with the guys in the construction industry too and besides,he didn’t need to earn so much money now that Rob was working.

Working through the morning,Rob ,flushed with the success of leading a new investment project at Goldman Sachs,was called into his bosses office.Following that meeting,his boss had offered him the chance of a promotion to head office at Canary Wharf.This was a plum job,and his first reaction was to tell Dave and then his Dad.He texted Dave to see if he was free to pick up.As usual,Dave obliged,but Dave was also excited about his holiday too.He told Rob about it.As the reality sunk in ,Rob didn’t Phone his dad,he asked for an hour out of the office.He knew that he owed Dave so much,so much as a partner,and so much as a human.Why,Dave was honest and true.Yes,to Rob,he had the dreamers disease,but ,deep down,he loved him.So,he thought and he just knew that he wanted to talk to Dave.When he spoke to Dave he was,as usual,so supportive of Rob,and he said that if that is what he wants then he would do all he could to support him.As Dave then said that he had to go to Madagascar soon,in fact,very soon,Rob realised that he had to start to grow up,to take responsibility for his actions.

That level of maturity took Rob a while,and in reality,the 2 grand that he had taken from their savings account without permission was borrowed by Rob and paid back.However,Dave got his money out the next day and booked his flight ,but imagine his surprise when a taxi arrived at the  house to take them both to the airport.Rob knew that he would have to work around the clock to pay for this,but he also knew that Dave was worth it,and he knew that Dave was a top man.

Each of us carries around with us stuff ,baggage if you like ,and we all suffer from a lack of communication at times.Sometimes those who have been abused as children are over desperate to please others,sometimes,at the expense of themselves.While Dave had so many wonderful traits,he carried the insecurities of a difficult childhood.Rob,on the surface,had the ideal life,but he also had his demons too and they would affect him throughout life.That said,respect ,communication,and an ability to heal rifts can be a wonderful life peace within itself,so that we don’t always have to escape to a far flung place to find peace as it is often within ourselves to find it.

My day out in Somerset with my dogs!

From the red bricks of the Somerset town of Wellington about 10miles from the main population centre of Taunton ,I felt that the charm  of many of its buildings ,faded at the rear,but with imposing facades really enhanced my day.Like so many small towns,it boasts a high street with a fair smattering of older shops from yesteryear.

Wellington as a town captured my attention because I had never visited it before,and therefore,my curiosity  had to be ignited.If I were to return to its red bricks,it would be to soak up the pace of life there,free from city flux,but not in the rural lento pulse that many country areas exist in.

Now,What has come into my mind is the lack of a photo of the town which ,I know,seems remiss of me.However,today I had my two canine charges who demanded my full attention as it were.Now,the older I get,the more my dogs act as go betweens to others I meet on my travels.As the sheer number of people who commented Today on how handsome they looked really picked me up through the Somerset rain showers ,I realised that my ego was thoroughly massaged by having them,as normally, a 59 year old silver headed guy can be quite invisible.

So,I quite forgot the 4 years since they were pups of all their misdemeanours and the amount of things that two puppies can vandalise is quite breathtaking.Wether all those compliments today ,and in other occasions were compensation enough is debatable,but they certainly made a start along the road to redemption Today.

Now,Somerset is been replaced with my home in Dorset this evening,and my canine friends are asleep ,oblivious to my muse,but ,somehow,they manage to occupy a large part of my life,so I tend to include them in my posts as they are a part of what I do.

When I was a child,I was quite afraid of dogs as they seemed to go about in a pack on our estate,and I had,along with others,been bitten before as a child.However,I’m quite at home with my dogs,and yes,I spoil them ,I haven’t really ever not spoilt any of my dogs,but I love their loyalty ,their uncle nditional love and support is such a joy to me.

My Fit bit Itch!

So,I get an email each week from this organisation telling me my weakly stats .My activity,that is,how many steps I’ve done,how many calories I’ve burnt,and how many miles I’ve covered,Oh,and how many active minutes I’ve accrued.Thats great,and it has all gone pretty well for yours truly until Saturday that is.You see,on Saturday,at my local Parkrun ,I fell over -right at the end of the weakly 5k but,I fell over nonetheless.With the usual inquests over,the ,Oh ,I must have been tired,ya da ya da ya da type stuff I told myself over,I’m now thinking that my email that will appear in my very modest inbox will tell a story of less steps,less calories burnt,and definitely less miles covered,but,alas,it won’t tell the whole story,will it.

Sometimes,it takes something to go wrong ,at least for me,to realise that I’ve been doing pretty good with the old exercise regime. Ow,my injuries,totally superficial of course, still cause me to have to pause.My knee was swollen to sch an extent that I was forced to rest it and it was also sore-Well,sore enough for me to feel it and to take pain killers to help me sleep.Now,people have different pain thresholds,and mine,or so I was told by a doctor recently,is quite high,but this pause in my exercise routine has enabled me to think about what I have achieved over the past few months,rather than the almost cultish pursuit of more more more.Because what happens when you can’t do more,how are we going to view ourselves?Yes,it’s rhetorical on the screen as I write it,but it aches with sincerity,because it is a genuine sentiment.!!Now,I get it that exercise is good for you,and the remedial benefits are. assured, but not everyone can exercise successfully as we might think.Now,Recently,I might give myself a huge pat on the back because on some days I’ve covered 13 miles with 180 active minutes,or I’ve covered the distance from my little bungalow to the Ganges river-how the hell im meant to get back again I do not know-but I’ve had the circumstances and the time to do that.Many folk don’t have either,they work a demanded ng job ,have a family,a large one in many cases,or have debilitating illnesses that preclude from walking a bit of the Thames let alone the Ganges.

So,if I could talk to my fit bit device what would I say:”Alright ,I really admire the way you tell me that I’ve covered so many miles,or burnt so many calories,or have achieved a record of active minutes,but how about those steps I did when I was so depressed I couldn’t get out f the bed,or when I had nightmares that would be rejected as too scary by the hammer house of horrors,or had excruciating pain !!!!!Oh,mon recordable ,you say,you don’t have an algorithm for that”So,you see,my quirky characters nversation with my fit bit device is ,I know ,deluded.This tongue in cheek through the passage of exercise has been brought about simply because ,due to my fall,I can’t exercise,and the very thing that records all these steps,these calories burnt doesn’t factor in my change of circumstances,I have too.So,that’s the point though,isn’t it.For every mile we walk,or run,or for ever pound of weight we lose there are sorts of circumstances that must be taken into account when we measure ourselves lest we judge ourselves so harshly that we give up completely.

Our world ,ourself,our environment can,and does,have profound affects on us,but I firmly think that to pause ,all be it,for a while,in any pursuit and just think about what we want out of it ,can be such a good thing.My enforced exercise sabbatical will be ,in my opinion,just as good for me as the tread mill ,and might even freshen my approach up to it.

One day,it is my goal to run a marathon,but ,for now,I will content myself with life’s marathon because we are all running one,we just don’t appreciate just how much we do.

Manglied language and word salads!

When people say:” With respect”,I know that I want to think that they really do mean that they respect you,but often it is a sign of a less than flattering opinion of us.That said,at least they utter the word,and that has soon merit .Words are,of course,important,but we don’t always utter them with the intention ,or meaning that me might like to think we do.Oftentimes,what I mean by the meaning of one word can be received in the opposite way by another,or another,and so on.That merry go round of misunderstandings can,and often does,escalate into a downward spiral of bitterness over words .

Rarely among us civiled folk are our problems with others the result of violence or attack on property or such like as they are usually about how we address one another.We all need and want to be respected  and our words are so very much the first port of call in those interchanges.Sometimes,because of character traits,we might prefer to be taciturn with our fellowman,allowing huge periods of time to go by before we actually talk to mend  or heal a rift.As each day goes by,that becomes harder and harder ,until we become eclipsed by it almost impressed by our own stubbornness.Now,we can justify our actions all we like,and I’ve done that myself,but,in the end,a lack of communication will fear its ugly head ,causing us to reach “boiling point frustration”and then we will have to face up to it.

This not speaking,Be it feuding with our neighbours,not talking to our family,shunning those who disagree with us is really quite self defeating because it hurts us so much,We lose out on relations that,as we grow older,become much more precious to us and if we don’t Mend these rifts,we ,in the end ,will suffer.

So,this has been my muse for today,and it is important to me.